Why the hair?
by Haytang
Summary: Just something silly I came up with after a little talk with a friend about Elves and long hair. It's silly, really... oh, I already said that, right? Oh, well. Watch out for my poor attempts at humor, though.


I know I said I wouldn't do a thing but learn until graduation, but my best friend just short of said something that made my brain go hyper on my Muse who in turn wouldn't let me be, so… there you are! Do me a favor and don't take it seriously. And watch out for my poor attempts at humor, they are… well, just sad. And quite probably OOC. I did warn you.

OK, so I don't own sh*t, let alone the Lord of the Rings. If I did, there would be more women who could actually do more than sit and wait for the strong men to save the world. Bleh.

_**Why the hair?  
**__by Haytang_

"Aragorn!" The Dunadan looked down at the two excited looking Hobbits who were looking curiously back up at him, sudden waves of dread washing over him. What could it possibly be _this_ time? "Why do all Elves have long hair?"

…what?

"I mean, we have seen many elves in Rivendell and on our way to it, but never one with short hair. Is it a, dunno, religious thing, or a… "

"It's more out of tradition and habit than anything else." Aragorn turned his head back forwards in hopes to avoid any possible further questioning. He knew from experience just how sharp Elven ears were, and could feel the eyes of Legolas boring into his skull all too well. But no such luck as avoiding the curiosity of the two young (and immature) Halflings.

"But, surely, there must be other reasons? I mean, they seemed to be pretty practical-" Merry begun.

"If a bit silly at times." Pippin cut in with a grin, and Aragorn could faintly hear a scandalized gasp coping from the prince of Mirkwood, accompanied by a chuckle from Gandalf.

"-and even we know long hair is unpractical on a long journey, let alone in war!" Oh… So they _did_ know how badly this mission could turn out. Good to know…

"Yeah, split ends are a pain!" Well, perhaps not the both of- Wait, what?

The Man and elder Halfling looked incredulously at Pippin, who was turning an interesting shade of red.

"I was around many women in the Clan as a child, now could we please move on?"

"Sure." The heir of Isildur grinned even wider as he heard their pointy-eyed companion growl out something that sounded suspiciously like 'split ends' and bits of a rather creative Elven course. _Then_ he noticed the two looking at him expectantly and sighed, his mood sobering. Why him? "Why ask me if we have an Elf with us?"

"Well, we thought it might be indiscrete to ask him, and you know Elves best out of the rest of us. Well, there is Gandalf, but…"

"Gandalf has even longer hair." Pippin paused, thinking. "And beard, too."

Aragorn groaned inwardly, the feeling of dread in his chest making itself known yet again. And as for the upcoming migraine, caused by the staring of a certain blonde, he wouldn't even go there.

"Oh, for the sake of… All right!" He didn't dare look behind himself as he sent a silent prayer to the Valar to protect him from the revenge Legolas would without a doubt be plotting against him for this one. "Two reasons. One, Elves are, in general and for the lack of a better phrase, vain to the extreme. Two…" He took a deep breath. "There is only so many times a topic can be discussed and things to be done during the centuries and millennia. Hair care is a halfway social affair for the Elven race." A private one, he might add, but… There. He said It. What those two make of it isn't his responsibility. It. Is. Not!

The pair of eyes boring into his skull sharpened, and he felt the sudden urge to do a bit of scouting in order to get away from the outraged Elf. And any further questions those two Hobbits might have.

Either of them so much as mentions the lack of facial hair on Elves and he is dead. And as for the beards of the Ismari…

There were things worse than death.

Thanks for reading, now if you would push the nice blue button that reads 'review'. Come on, just see what happens! It's fun! Really!


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